I have asked myself this a lot lately, what actually is my purpose right now? Sounds like a pretty heavy question but it pretty much drives my daily life. I will tell you now, I don't know completely, I may never know, but I have a good start!
The start I have has been focused on the following from the Heidelberg Catechism: "What is your only comfort in life and death? That I, with body and soul, both in life and death, am not my own, but belong unto my faithful Savior Jesus Christ; who with his precious blood has fully satisfied for all my sins, and delivered me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me that without the will of my heavenly Father not a hair can fall from my head; yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation, wherefore by his Holy Spirit he also assures me of eternal life, and makes me heartily willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto him."
And let me start with this, I am NOT perfect, I am nowhere close! But what comfort to know that despite that, I have been delivered and not only have I been delivered, I am being watched over and carried in order that I can focus on living unto him. I fail at that daily, many times in a day, but that is my end goal, to glorify God in all that I do.
So that brings me to this, as many of you know I have struggled with our current family situation. I don't like being alone, I don't like working 5 days a week, and I HATE leaving Will with someone else during that time. BUT.....as a Covenant child, just as God has promised me that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven, so has he promised Will. With that comfort, I can live each day focusing on giving my all in order to be a light for the one that has promised me so many wonderful things.
He has promised me that he is watching over me, not necessarily that nothing bad will happen, but that he is there in the midst of it all, working everything in his plan. I will be the first to say that his plans have not been the same as my plans, but I know that his plans have taught me so much more. Do I still have fears? Absolutely! I made the mistake of watching the 11 O'clock news last night to see the creepy armed and dangerous convict loose in the area and had my entire plan worked out if he were to pick our house to settle down for the night:-)! But in the end I fell asleep knowing that I am being held in the amazingly safe arms of my Father in heaven.
My goal for these next couple of months (YAY we are almost one month in!) until Austin comes home: to live fully for Christ, to give 100 percent in all that I do, but most importantly even when I fall, to get back up and shine the light of Christ in the way I recover from the times I fall down (because they are many)! And that may mean going against the flow, loving those that "everyone" else doesn't love, standing up for what I believe, and not allowing others to influence my actions.
So when you see me fall, help me get up, cheer me on my way, and know that I will have moments that I want to stay down and cry and have a pitty party but your cheers and love will help me stand up on the rock that keeps me strong despite my weaknesses.
A side note: my heart goes out to single moms, especially single full time working moms, you are amazing! 3 weeks in and I have wanted to quit every day. I come home exhausted but elated to be with Will, yet i am weary, I am frustrated and I want to be a better mother, he does not deserve my fatigue and frustration. I have wondered how I can get it all done, but each day I get there and I look back and think: man what an awesome God we serve, he gives us his strength and never lets go!
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