Turning Point

Some people may wonder, "Why can't you just get over it, it was a year ago?", well I did! For the most part anyway! Studying psychology for 4 years and then 3 additional years, I was well aware that grief had stages, but I really thought they would go by much faster then they did!

Last Sunday I think I hit a turning point. Just a recap of some of the things that went on this past year followed by some of the things that I believe were the awesome result:

1. Will had a brain bleed that seemed like he was going to be taken from me = I learned a love deeper than I could imagine and decided from day 1 to take every moment as a blessing

2. I got a blood clot that nearly took me from this earth = I learned that running and my worldly desires are not all that I thought they were and that it is okay to slow down as well as to set aside my perceptions of beauty.

3. Austin was put in a tough position at work which ended in him resigning and us being on my part time income = God blessed him with a job near my parents at a course on a much higher level.

So, in looking at those, we were faced with 3 out of the 5 top stressers on people today, medical issues, having a child, and job loss. Wow, in one year! But man, what a blessing it has all become!

So last Sunday the sermon was on Betrayal. Not that my story is about betrayal, but more in that Christ suffered so many things, one being betrayal, in order to be able to tell his children that he knows how it feels and that he will take our burden on himself if we only give it to him. Christ is the ultimate sacrifice! How deep the Father's love for us!

Over the past year I have attempted to put on a front, to say that I believe in God, to say that he is good and working things out. But deep down over the last year I have doubted that, I have wondered if he truly is a good God, if he really cared about us, why could all of this happen to one family in one year. Last Sunday I knew, I sat and was still and finally listened to a God who is always on my side, who sent his only son to bare the cross for me, I mean how could he not love me that he sent his only son to die for me?

Further solidifying my turning point was an e-mail from a friend about children born with disabilities. Although Will does not have a diagnosed "disability" the start that we had began in Holland when we had planned to take a trip to Italy (you can read this story online I am sure). we had planned for "perfection", for a child who was healthy, to go home and go about our lives as parents. But we were sent to Holland, things were different, we spent days in the hospital, both of us with medical problems that could have killed us. When we got home, we were recovering, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I was unsure of what real damage had been done for Will so I was on guard watching every move! But finally I looked around Holland and saw the beauty of the windmills and tulips. It was a different trip than planned, but God prepared us and carried us where we needed to go and displayed his beauty. So I am forever thankful, forever changed, still a little broken, but confident that I am being carried!