It is Sunday, the last day of Thanksgiving break. I have had a wonderful break and chance to spend time with Will. This entry comes from the fact that I have had a chance to spend each day with him, just enjoying him. I am truly blessed to be his mom!
On this last day of break though I have an inner cry, a cry of longing to be with him longer, a cry to God for comfort in his plan. I struggle with this on a daily basis, a longing to be with Will but a knowledge that it is not part of Gods plan for my life at this time. I pray daily for strength to accept this and to find contentment in Christ, rather than in my son. Sounds crazy doesn't it? But I believe that God desires us to find contentment in him above all else.
I say with all of my heart, if it were possible for me to be home I would, but I am not called to be home right now. I also say with complete honesty, there is not a thing Austin and I could change to make it possible for me to stay home. We have been blessed to live financially "smart", to have no debt, to be living within our means. The one thing that is the biggest stopping place is health insurance, I was denied private high deductible insurance and to be on Austin's would be much more than we could take from his paycheck. I don't say all this to be prideful, I say this as further proof that I feel God has called us to this place for such a time as this, a time that I have to work.
So again, I pray to God today to help me cast this burden on him, to teach me true contentment in Him, to trust that His plan is great, and that He is caring for our family as only He is able. My plans are not His plans, but I pray that I accept and become content in His plans because they are good. In the last few weeks a job came open that I began praying for God to give it to Austin, but I had to catch myself, my main desire for this job was that I felt it would answer my prayers and my cries. I have changed my prayer, that regardless of the outcome, that God teach me to find contentment in him, not in earthly treasures.
God is good, I believe that with all my heart. I also believe that these struggles are good, that I am brought to my knees to see my true Savior, a Savior who is living and daily pouring out grace upon grace to wipe up every cry of my heart.
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