Arms that Hold us Still

Today I would like to erase, I want to have a do-over, I want to go back and have a second chance on so many things!  Here is a quick overview:

It was one of those days that I seemed to be in a meeting all day long.  It started at 8:30 and aside from driving from one school to another at 1:15 I was in a meeting from 8:30 until 2:30.  I didn't eat lunch, I didn't even go to use the bathroom.  At 2:30 it began, I had to get from one place to another on time or else it would throw off everything that followed.  I got Lindy to the vet in time, we got to Miss Lynne's to pick up Will on time, we got home on time to pick up a meal to take to an awesome friend.  And it all went down from there (until we got to see that friend and her ADORABLE baby)!

I got home after the vet and picking up Will and he fell apart.  I still at this moment don't know what was wrong.  He sobbed, more than he has in months, he wouldn't stand, he wouldn't let me hold him, he wouldn't sit in the chair, he wouldn't sit on the couch, he continually balled up on the floor and sobbed.  He wouldn't even eat a chocolate chip cookie!  This continued on and off until bed time.  I felt like a failure, I couldn't figure out what was wrong, he kept reaching up to be held but then wanting down only to collapse again. 

Needless to say I got angry, I got frustrated, I couldn't handle it.  I was yelling out for help (in my head), wishing for a husband home, a family close by, a drink to chug:-).  And the spiral continued, I then felt bad because it wasn't Will's fault, he says a lot but he can't yet tell me what's wrong.  But I was failing, and I hated it.

Then it came to me, just as he wanted to be picked up and have a moment of security in his mother's arms, so I needed to be picked up for a moment of security in my father's arms.  But that is the thing, I didn't need to be picked up, I was already in his arms, he was carrying me already.  And they aren't just any arms that are carrying me, they are the arms that hold the world and hold us still.  What comfort!

It may be my toughest day alone so far, but we made it, and as I prayed and sang with Will I listened to the words and focused on the fact that I am secure no matter how hard I fall trying to do it on my own.  And I sang to Will the song we have sung at night for so many nights:

"Be thou my vision O Lord of my heart.......Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light!"