Its official, summer has almost come to an end and work begins on August 1st. Usually that just means going back to work, this year it means so much more. It means coming home from Asheville, leaving my family (Husband, mom, dad, sister, grandmother, brother-in-law, niece and nephew), friends, and so much more that I have longed to be around for many years. It also means a new journey with work, I am going back full time:-( and Will is going to be in an in-home child care until Austin comes back to Aiken in November. To be honest, I am dreading the return to Aiken in so many ways. I have tried not to think about it much but it is so close now I can't not think about it.
This summer has been such a blessing. I have enjoyed so many things with family and friends, I have enjoyed Asheville, I have enjoyed the weather, hiking, swimming, running, riding, and all of this with family and friends. Will has been surrounded with so many great people, we have been welcomed into my family's church for the summer, we have made new friends there. To the point: We have had a blast this summer! Here are a few samples of what we have been up to!
Hiking as a family at Dupont!
Hiking as a family at Dupont!
Hiking with Will, Nonnie and Pop at Pisgah!
With Daddy and Lindy on the Parkway/Shut-In Trail!
His first ride with Pop on the mower!
Walking with Nonnie in the creek at the Arboretum!
First Golf Lesson with Daddy!
A talk between friends!
Will and I also made the trek from Asheville to Jacksonville (a 7 hour drive that was about a 9 hour drive for us with traffic and required post blood clot stops even with a self injected shot prior to each trip in the car) to see Mimi and Papa and to pick up Lindy. We enjoyed the beach, the pool, the park, the zoo and cousins in Orlando:
Will and I also made the trek from Asheville to Jacksonville (a 7 hour drive that was about a 9 hour drive for us with traffic and required post blood clot stops even with a self injected shot prior to each trip in the car) to see Mimi and Papa and to pick up Lindy. We enjoyed the beach, the pool, the park, the zoo and cousins in Orlando:
Chasing the birds at the beach with Papa!
On the dock at the park with Mimi and Papa!
How could anyone want to leave all of this???? Don't get me wrong, I love my friends in Aiken/Augusta, I absolutely love my church home of Frist Pres. Augusta, yet this comes with a BUT! Will and I are returning to our home alone for now. I have fears, I fear that someone will come in and take him, take me, the list goes on. I also fear being alone all together, we don't live close to any friends really, we don't get a lot of visitors because we are out of the way, many people always say "we hate to make you drive to us" but trust me, all I want to do is be around "us". I also fear the challenges that come with being alone with a child, he is completely my responsibility, the house is my responsibility, and my job is another big one.
As said before, I am also returning to work full time. This decision came with much prayer and conversation between Austin and I, as well as with many others I respect and ask for advice. I do not want to do this but I feel that it is what I need to do right now. I respect stay at home moms and I respect working moms. However, I feel right now like I am getting ready to abandon Will and fail as a mother. Will is my joy, I want every moment to be with him, he is an absolute JOY to be around. He brings smiles to my face even when I am crying! I am surrounded by stay at home moms and I want to be one of them but at this point, God has called me to a different path in life and I must trust that he will provide safety for Will so much better than I ever could! And I am confident that even as a working mom, I am 100 Percent still a full time mom!
I also want to say that I absolutely love and respect Austin. We have made these decisions together, we have talked about him finding a job in the off season. However, he has been required to work so many Sundays, weekends, and holidays over the past years that we are looking forward to family time this year and are willing to make these decisions to allow this to happen. We continue to pray that God will lead us, right now specifically that he would provide Austin's current employer with the means necessary to hire him as a 12 month employee. Austin is so happy at his current course, he has never been this happy at any coures prior. He is able to utilize his love and experience for golf in ways he never has been able to before.
To end the longest blog entry ever....I end with tears but with confidence that as I have been held in the past 16 months, I am held now, held in the arms of my savior, led every step of the way and I now cry out to him for peace, for confidence that I have not failed, and for a quiet heart in the midst of a bump in the road.
Girl, you ca come to my house anytime! I am having some minor surgery August 9th and will be out of work until the 17th, so come visit me!
ReplyDeleteHold on to truth as you go back....and pray for love of the caretaker for Will. He will thrive! As I said before, I didn't want to put Luke in daycare at all but haven't had a choice but to go back to work. God has put the most amazing moms in my life that have paved this way for me and have lead by example that yes, this IS the path that I am on and Yes, I can do it with his help!
ReplyDeleteKnow that you are safe in HIS arms....even in an empty house. I am doing it weekly too as Tim works 24 hr shifts at the fire station. You get into a routine....call me if you need someone to talk to. =)