I really couldn't come up with another title, my mind doesn't have a lot of creativity at the moment. All I do know is: Whoever said "terrible twos" was so off, the two year old phase came and went with very few bumps in the road. However, from the moment Will turned three, I was overcome with what three meant, that I was going to get a very small taste of what Christ has to think as our Savior and guide. We fail over and over and over again, yet he picks us up with such poise and grace to love us more with every bump in the road. Why can't I parent like that?!
Don't get me wrong, I love my child with every ounce of my being, I would do anything to promise him love and safety all of his life. And this is precisely why I have been in tears more during this first month of 3 than any other time (other than his first week).
As a mother, I see my son, his smiles, his joy, his laughter, his awesome motor skills and love for the outdoors, his love for running, his love for his family. Of course I see the tough things too, but I am drawn to this happy child that has such wonderful joy. So when I get the calls and reports that he has been to the principal's office, that he has been in time out 4 times in the 3.5 hours he is at school, that he has hit, kicked, scratched, smeared food on the wall.....my heart hurts. I want him to love and be loved!
Will has wonderful teachers, they love him, I have no doubt about that. However, I also know that I love every kid I work with, yet there are some that leave that impression on me that is hard to get beyond. I don't want Will to be "that one." I want his joy to shine through.
We are working with Will, his teachers are working with him, its just tough. Many of you who know Will think of this sweet, smiling, laughing child and can't believe me, but its true, I have a strong willed boy. He is tough, he is trying my patience, I am failing on a daily basis and realizing how Christ feels when I turn from him. Its hard, we press on, we pray, we cry and at the end of the day it is moments like the video below that I smile.
One last thought, it is also hard because I know Will "wants" to be good, he desires to please, and it is hard to watch him struggle. We are working, trying to praise good behavior, pray with him and teach him how much Jesus loves us and how much it hurts when he struggles. Parenting is tough, it is easy to give in, I am on my knees now more than ever, crying out to my perfect Father to work through my imperfect parenting and help my child see Him in me. Tough!
And a Will story for a smile: On Sunday he was told he could have a treat from Nonnie if he was good in Children's Church (another place of poor behavior). Our church has one Sunday a month where everyone goes forward and takes communion as a family. Will marched into the sanctuary while the pastor was giving his explanation of the elements and Will proclaimed for all to hear, "Nonnie, I was good! Nonnie, Nonnie, I did good, Yay Hooray I get a doughnut!" I love this kid!
A video of my trickster!
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