Tis so Sweet To Trust in Jesus!

My daddy and I before the 10K Saturday!

"Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus, just to take him at his word, just to rest upon his promise.......oh for grace to trust him more!"

I do not want to sound like a broken record but I may, however, the end result is so "aha!" for me and it hit me so hard the other day I can't help but start it out this way.

Last Friday night, October 28th, I went in to the bedroom to go to bed.  It was the night before my second 10K post baby, but I really saw it as my first, its been almost a year since the first 10K and a lot of bumps in the road to get to another one. 

I used to get nervous the night before races, I was so worried about running faster, running better, finishing in the top so many of my age group........but Friday night I was more nervous than ever before.  I couldn't sleep, it was a 10K not a Marathon for goodness sakes!!!!!!  I was wide awake worried this time that I just might not finish. 

That is when it came, the thoughts flooded in, I forgot about the upcoming run, I went back to where it all began.  Where would I be had I not developed a massive blood clot in my left abdomen down to my ankle.  How many races would I have run, how much training would I be doing, the list goes on.  Friday night my thoughts were focused on Will, on the birth, on the events that followed.  They changed my life in more than just running.  I went back as if it were yesterday, I pictured his room and mine as if I had just left.  I remember sitting in my room at University while Will was at MCG, I was so alone, so defeated, such a failure.  Someone asked me on the phone who was there with me to which I jokingly responded, "just me and God."  I was actually kind of ticked, mad that it was just the two of us and not Will and I. 

My thoughts continued, the reality of the severity of my clot, the chances that both Will and I could have finished our time on earth that day.  And as I went through the events that followed, surgery, meds, surgery and more surgery, I got it: I AM SO BLESSED by a God who never left my side! 

19 months later I was lying in my bed, having a hard time sleeping, forever remembering the moments that made me realize my life is not my own, I am here to do so much more than just do what I want, I am BLESSED to be alive.

I woke up Saturday morning, headed to Augusta to meet dad who had ran 9 miles before the race:-) and I told him, "I have never thought I was going to puke as much as I do now!"  I was still nervous.  The run began and the changes were real: I am slow:-) but that is the BEST part.

I finished the race, I ran the entire race (6.2 miles) and I had no idea of my time.  I LOVED IT!  I ran and looked around, I cheered people on, I smiled, I talked, I prayed, I thanked the Lord for allowing me to be there.  I was at ease, I will never run fast again, and I am completely okay with that.  I have found so much more joy in running now, I love seeing the "back of the pack", the people who really are overcoming so many obstacles just to finish the race.  Its awesome!

I challenge you, if you are a fast runner, enjoy the back of the pack sometime, talk to people, hear their stories, its pretty cool. 

Each step I took Saturday I thanked the Lord, I thanked him for allowing me to be here today, to see so much more, and to be so proud of what He has done.  Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus!  I still struggle with this daily, but I more frequently look back and see the amazing things he has done! 

It brings so much more joy to finish the race trusting in the one who is guiding each step no matter where those steps lead!